All reviews - Movies (251) - TV Shows (41) - Books (5) - Music (59) - Games (72)

Medieval Total War: Viking Invasion review

Posted : 5 months, 3 weeks ago on 18 April 2008 04:31 (A review of Medieval Total War: Viking Invasion)

This is a superb expansion, not so much because of the new Viking campaign that it offers, but because of all of the new features it unlocks from the original game. It truly breathes more life into an already fully functioning game.

The expansion focuses on England after the fall of the Roman empire at the turn of the century. The generally useless tribesman are at war in different parts of the region and just like Medieval and Shogun: Total War, it's up to you to take over everything in your way to claim ultimate victory. As well as Welsh farmers and dirty Saxon drunkards, you also have to contend with vicious viking raids, or, if you felt that way inclined, you can play as the vikings and reign terror on the green isles of Britain.

If that's not your bag, and frankly, it does get difficult and less than interesting with the lack of advanced units in the tech tree (the most advanced units in the game are pretty much the peasantry in Medieval Total War), then you can just revisit the original game. This time, there are more factions unlocked, such as the Sicilians and even the Papacy, and lots of frustrating or buggy events from the original game are ironed out. One of the best games I've ever splashed out on, it made me fall in love with a game all over again.

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My Super Sweet 16 review

Posted : 5 months, 3 weeks ago on 18 April 2008 04:03 (A review of My Super Sweet 16)

MTV continues its fine tradition of only making inane programmes that flaunt the wealth of complete strangers. This show is a pox on TV. The gist is, some completely spoiled bitch is thrown a 16th birthday party by her parents - the cost of which rises into the thousands/millions of dollars - before we see it go down at the end of the show.

In the run up to said party, the superficial brats will be shown to be completely ungrateful, rude, insensitive and completely detestable to their parents who - rather than putting their foot down, growing a spine and instilling some discipline in their children - allow themselves to be walked all over and fix any disagreement by throwing more money at their precious daughter.

Lowest common denominator television. It's horrible.

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White Vaan Man

Posted : 5 months, 3 weeks ago on 18 April 2008 03:54 (A review of Final Fantasy XII)

I was really taken in when I first played this game. I was immediately impressed with the graphics, the cut scenes and the huge scale of the game that was about to open up in front of me. It felt like every inch the epic and I was not disappointed.

As I played further through it though, I did tend to stumble across things that bugged me or reduced my enjoyment of the game. My major concern was the repetitiveness of the dungeons. They can create a world with so many different landscapes and amazing unique features, but instead they've got lazy and reused the same format and textures for numerous dungeons. I still haven't completed this game yet, though I'm a good way through it and I think that if there is one more dungeon, I'm not going to have the energy to battle through it.

The battle system is revolutionary for the Final Fantasy series. It's still turn based, but you no longer have to input the battle commands. Initially I had mixed feelings over this as there is nothing less entertaining than clicking 'Attack' for several thousand random battle encounters. But when you come to a boss, it's good to think that your tactics are operating in real time, rather than just reliant on a pre-battle plan that you have in your head. Of course, you can change your tactics at any time but this is eventually more time consuming and usually fails to kick in before a major character in your party dies.

There are plenty of plus points though. The world map is huge and you genuinely have a lot of ground to cover on foot (I've seen it listed as a negative point, but I think it's much more appealing to have an expansive game than one that feels almost claustrophobic - like Final Fantasy X). The voice acting and characters in general are superb, with only the main character being frustrating enough to want to punch repeatedly in the face. Side quests are plentiful and entertaining, though there is the lack of a worldwide sidegame to take your mind off of things when the story gets too intense.

All in all this is a thoroughly entertaining game, but it is not 'the best final fantasy'. I would put it at third place in my top three. It's a step up from FFX and I anticipate another in the form of FFXIII. They will hopefully blow the power of the PS3 away with that one.

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Lives up to the title.

Posted : 6 months ago on 13 April 2008 06:43 (A review of Irreversible)

This film was extremely brutal from the off. After a swirling and aimless piece of camera work the story begins - at the end. The technique used for this film is anachronistic in that the tragic finale of the film is shown first, then the next scene shows what happens in the build up to the current scene. It's a technique that works remarkably well and is one of the reasons the film is so poignant. I think if you watched it in chronological order, it would feel empty as a piece of cinema. Furthermore, the dazed and drunk camera work that begins and end each scene almost gives the feeling that it was all filmed in one long take. It's certainly not just an unnecessary 'gimmick' employed by the director to make this film stand out from the crowd.

There is no doubt in my mind that it re-sensitised me to violence. There are two extremely graphic scenes of raw brutality in the film, so brace yourself, particularly if you're watching it alone as it can make for uncomfortable viewing. This is one of those films that definitely deserves it's 18 certificate.

Three ordinary friends attend a party, but their night is destroyed by an act of wanton violence. Driven by a passion for revenge, they begin to discover just how capable they are of reverting to monsters themselves in an attempt to deal justice to those who have wronged them. I found myself thinking about the outcome of this film for several days after I'd watched it and I'm pretty sure that the mental anguish inflicted on my brain is irreversible in itself!

The acting is standard, the dialogue is nothing spectacular, but it's the sheer tragedy of it all that lingers with you. It could probably happen to anyone.

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Brotherly love.

Posted : 6 months, 1 week ago on 5 April 2008 12:12 (A review of Band of Brothers (Mini-series))

Band of Brothers is a ten-part miniseries which documents the exploits of Easy Company during their World War II campaign. Veterans of the parachute regiment begin most episodes regaling tales of their experiences during the war, though their identities are not revealed until the very end of the series.

The show begins with the recruits undergoing basic training for the upcoming allied invasion of Europe in their Toccoa training camp. It chronicles their adventures through the Normandy airborn landings, Operation Market Garden, the Battle of Bastogne right through to the end of the war, the discovery and liberation of a concentration camp and the capture of The Eagle's Nest complex in Austria.

The show is amazing. It follows a selection of believable and human characters who never ceased to acquire my deepest respect. It is impossible to feel apathetic towards any of the major roles and after almost every episode I found myself rushing toward the internet in the hope of finding out that certain characters had indeed survived the brutal war. The linchpin and commander of Easy company - Richard Winters - is a charming and charismatic character that commands reverence and respect at every turn.

The combat scenes are dripping with realism and intensity, managing to hammer home the shocking realities of war and the toll it took on the ordinary young men sent to fight it. Scenes often switch from moments of humour - as the men try to focus on the good of every situation - to desperate struggles for their lives as they find themselves on the receiving end of a relentless artillery bombardment.

Band of Brothers dishes up realism, horror, tragedy and good humour in equal measure throughout, but what makes it so special is the fact that it is based on real stories of real men whose heroism lifted the tyrannical grip of a fascist empire from the green fields of Europe. No matter how modest the veterans of this extraordinary journey are, they're all legends in their own right. Heroes who put most of today's generation to shame.

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Jump.

Posted : 6 months, 1 week ago on 4 April 2008 11:33 (A review of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children)

This was a ridiculous film, from someone who worships the original game like an unholy deity. Set in the future after Final Fantasy VII, Cloud and co have been hit by a mysterious disease called 'Geostigma' - the result of Jenova cells being released into the lifestream after Sephiroth's defeat in the original game. The reason I dislike this film so much is because of how poorly it handles the characters and issues that made the game so appealing.

The animation is great, fair enough, we already knew they can animate films, but the battle scenes are just one big joke. Everything moves at about 100MPH and you can not see intricate fighting moves or battles that are occurring between two characters. There are so many plot holes that the script could have been mistaken for the surface of the moon. The game builds up a great story that keeps you entertained for literally hundreds of hours, but this film just blows everything by reintroducing dead characters (he didn't die really!), giving the party members cameo roles only (except fan boy favourite, Vincent!), giving the party members super abilities (being able to jump practically into the atmosphere) and allowing the characters to just randomly appear in locations on the otherside of the world at a moments notice. Just what were they thinking?

Clearly it was made to fill the pockets of Square, who have since seen fit to rape the franchise even more with poorly conceived add-on games and anime series'. Watch it if you're a fan of the game but don't expect to be impressed by this morally bankrupt film.

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The Road review

Posted : 6 months, 1 week ago on 3 April 2008 04:49 (A review of The Road)

The Road follows one man and his son as they travel across post-apocalyptic America in search of warmer climes after humanity has sealed its own fate with an undescribed cataclysmic event. The towns and cities of old have been burned to the ground and all foliage has met a similar end as they are surrounded by a world of grey misery as they make their way along old highways scavaging for tinned foods and dodging lawless cannibals who will kill and eat anything in order to survive.

Despite the settings, the storytelling is very cyclic in nature, with the boy and his dad doing the same thing day after day, and the descriptions of building a fire, walking all day, eating, making a camp and building another fire are quite tedious after a while as you'd imagine. What starts as an extremely bleak and scene-setting section of prose becomes repetitive and mundane, which is obviously supposed to represent the blandness of human life on earth in this troubled times, but it makes for dull reading. Furthermore, the style of writing leaves little or no punctuation in sentences, there are no chapter breaks, the lines and sentences are extremely short and the dialogue almost irrelevant.

Aside from these factors, it's still a mildly entertaining story and the idiosyncrasies of their journey (eg, finding a train, another human being etc) are extremely entertaining despite their modern day inanity, because the rest of the story is so repetitive. Because of the style of writing though, I wouldn't recommend this to any of my friends.

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Malèna review

Posted : 6 months, 2 weeks ago on 29 March 2008 07:48 (A review of Malèna)

Malena is set in World War II era Sicily and focuses on a young local boy, Renato, and his obsession with a beautiful woman. Malena is always the talk of the town, turning heads and inviting dozens of spiteful remarks from women who can not abide her beauty whenever she leaves the house.

As the war progresses, hardships on the townsfolk build up and when the two men in Malena's life (her husband and her father) are presumed dead, she struggles to carry on without an honest wage or provider. No man will employ her for fear of his own wife and no woman can see past her own insane jealousy to give her a job. Through his obsessions, Renato discovers the true story behind Malena and her actions and is disgusted by the misconceptions of her bounded about the town by gossiping locals. When salvation arrives for the town in the form of a liberating American army, Malena is brutally driven out of the town.

I only sought out this film because of Monica Bellucci, but I was definitely not disappointed. She is much more natural in Italian speaking roles! It's a solid storyline tinged with memorable characters and many funny moments. I was grateful for the turnaround at the end of the film too, which fitted in with the feel-good factor of the movie.

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Stupid, fat, stroppy cow.

Posted : 6 months, 2 weeks ago on 25 March 2008 03:19 (A review of Kerry Katona: Crazy in Love)

Another example of MTV probing the lives of the most disgraceful human beings on the planet in an attempt to accumulate entertaining video footage of their mental collapse. Kerry Katona is famous for being a singer in a terrible pop-band that she left around 10 years ago. Oh yeah, and she has massive breasts, cue lots of gratuitous shots of the planetarium she hoists around in her bra as she goes about her mundane daily life.

There is absolutely no entertainment value in shows like this, and this programme in particular just chronicles the downfall of a disgusting, fat, spoiled, pregnant substance abuser and her parasitic husband, whose failure to react to her stroppy tantrums is obviously a ploy to completely change his public image as a homewrecking 'love rat'. She doesn't deserve to be on TV and this show is doing her no favours as the tabloid vultures circle around her fragile mental state.

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State of Emergency review

Posted : 6 months, 2 weeks ago on 25 March 2008 03:09 (A review of State of Emergency)

One of the most mundane and diabolical games ever. This is a controversial game of course, but don't let that put you off of playing it, instead let the dire and repetitive gameplay sway you away from this utterly ridiculous kill fest.

The point of the game is to release hundreds of people into an 'arena' (shopping mall, cordoned off street etc) and watch them run around senselessly in no proper direction while you do your best to kill them all as quickly as possible. How do they get away with plots that are so abysmal and un-fun to play? Sometimes I just get the impression that they only make games for the negative media attention.

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