All reviews - Movies (246) - TV Shows (40) - Books (5) - Music (59) - Games (72)

SSDD

Posted : 20 hours, 57 minutes ago on 28 August 2008 07:25 (A review of The Simpsons Movie)

It's quite difficult to write an extensive review for this film. You can probably count on two hands the amount of people who've told you 'It's just like...a really LONG Simpsons episode!' and... well I think that pretty much sums it right up.

Of course, we all know that The Simpsons hasn't been funny now for almost five years and this is reflected in the movie. There are the same number of hits and misses as if you strung five or so episodes together. Homer is a terrible father, Marge is a long suffering housewife, Bart so naughty, Maggie is a child prodigy and Lisa is still really really annoying and detestable. Springfield is quarantined thanks to Homer, but he manages to escape to Alaska before deciding to go back and rescue Springfield from the grasp of the Environment Protection Agency. The End.

The show should have retired with dignity by now, but you get the impression that the creators just couldn't live any more without their creation. No doubt a sequel is already in the pipeline, but it doesn't mask the fact that the TV show has been ailing for years. If it wasn't so established and resting on its former glories, it'd have been axed long ago.

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Dark days for cinema.

Posted : 1 day, 8 hours ago on 27 August 2008 07:29 (A review of Darkman)

Oh boy, what a disaster. MORE LIKE DISASTERMAN.

Sam Raimi takes control of his own creation in the story of a scientist-turned masked vigilante in this wholly forgettable superhero flick. I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt in places but it kept letting me down over and over again.

Somehow, Liam Neeson stars as 'Darkman' (he must not have been very famous back in 1990), the story of a scientist whose life's work is dedicated to developing artificial skin. Well it's just as well! His girlfriend is in possession of a memo which could potentially devastate a big time real estate developer - with mob connections! In an utterly inexplicable series of events, Neeson decides to take his girlfriend's paperwork to work with him, and the mob know that this threatening woman has a boyfriend, and they know where he works, and they know he's taken the paperwork with him (repeat, inexplicable)... so they show up just as he field tests his latest invention. You see, the DARK helps his artificial skin survive. Hmmm, you may think this could be of some use to, say, a superhero who spends his time lurking around at night?

Well, Neeson gets his face smashed in by the mobsters who show up while the lights are off. Not content with a few bruises they put him through a massive electric shock (which doesn't shock the men holding on to him) and try to drown him, before blowing him up in a massive gas explosion. Don't worry though, he survives, horribly burned. Which is where his skin expertise comes in! Instead of hanging around at night with his fake skin which can seemingly endure forever, he chooses to go out in the daytime with prosthetics that only last 99 minutes. Cue him taking revenge by mimicking and impersonating his mobster attackers in a bid to extract revenge!

Interspersed with his quest for vengeance, he undergoes the usual affair of trying to get his life back on track. But he's a broken man. We are shown this by special effects sequences of intense anger which look like the worst and most basic MTV dance music video you have ever seen. At the end of the film I was lost for words. Granted it is ridiculous for a purpose, but it was just terrible all over.

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Disunited Kingdom

Posted : 1 day, 9 hours ago on 27 August 2008 07:02 (A review of The Kingdom)

The Kingdom represents one of the most disappointing films I've seen all year. Even harking back to the time I saw the trailers at the cinema I was always cautious. With the current political climate regarding the middle east you can kind of guess the copy-and-paste elements that will fill any storyline a writer could ever possibly dream up regarding the situation. There will be a formidable and zealous enemy, unafraid of death. There will be American's who can fix the problems of a middle eastern country in record time. There will be some effort to highlight the similarities between both cultures afterwards.

I'd hoped after seeing Michael Mann's name attached that this film wouldn't be as trite as to plough down this path, but I was let down. It gets of to an exhilarating start, with a truly frightening depiction of a terrorist attack in a Saudi settlement. After delivering such a sickening opening, we're thrown back to the dreary offices in Washington or wherever in which there is a brief discrepancy over whether Jamie Foxx and his specialist team can head over to Saudi to aid in the investigation. They are eventually granted a week on Saudi soil and that's all they need.

Upon arrival there are a few 'hilarious' culture shocks in store for both parties. The Saudi's don't swear and one of the American's has breasts, it's all very tense. Initially the American's are extremely well protected, though relations are strained between them and the Saudi officer charged with their protection. Eventually, after the initial differences between the two parties are overlooked, Foxx's character and his guide develop a deeper friendship upon realising that they consist of the same moral fibre (shock horror, men in dangerous occupations still love their families). In the mean time his team (of mostly gung-ho obnoxious individuals) solve the riddle of the opening terrorist attack and manage to instantly pin down a culprit.

The film culminates in an action sequence that seems to have a disproportionate number of flaws. After finding themselves pinned in a firefight, the five FBI specialists-turned-special-forces troops are pinned down by fire from tall buildings on every side. Still, despite the fact that someone RPG's the hell out of their only cover in the street, they're able to dispatch the attacking force without a single casualty. I'd seen enough by this point.

Jamie Foxx is a good actor, his performance reflected this. His Saudi guide put in an even better portrayal, he seemed like the only human character in the whole film. The rest of Foxx's team were diabolical. Chris Cooper just seemed to have 'dead meat' tattooed all over him, Jennifer Garner was utterly unconvincing as a soldier and was probably only included for the breast gags and the other guy... well I can't remember what his speciality was in the team - he was thrown in as shoddy comic relief. Oh, and in case you were wondering the team solve the case and assassinate one of Al-Quaeda's most wanted men - just to hammer home the fact that the U.S doesn't mess around!

Utterly clichéd and extremely generic. There are worse films for sure, but this is nothing to write home about.

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The Family business

Posted : 2 weeks, 4 days ago on 10 August 2008 02:12 (A review of The Addams Family)

There can't be a single person in the civilised world who isn't familiar with The Addams Family, they're pretty much ingrained into popular culture. Maybe that's more of a result of the TV show than this film, but with such a solid set of quirky and memorable characters, it was just a case of getting the casting right to ensure big screen success with this adaptation. For anyone who isn't familiar with the TV show - it's a low-budget black and white comedy extravaganza about a morbid family that dabbles with the macabre. The only other thing I remember is the excessive use of canned laughter and the fact that it was about a million-times better than its rival show The Munsters.

Who, then, is at the helm of this revamp of a sixties classic? One look at the director doesn't fill you with much confidence. Barry Sonnenfeld has such legendary films under his belt as:

- RV
- Wild Wild West
- Get Shorty

...let's leave it there. But fear not, film fans - The Addams Family came before each of these filmic disasterpieces! The plot is a by-the-numbers family comedy that simply cannot be messed up, even by the most inept of directors. The casting is superb, definitely the film's strong point. With such a tour-de-force of acting heroes it's impossible to be unimpressed with the film. They steal the show and they have fun doing it. Let's take a look at the family:

Gomez Addams (Raul Julia) - Gomez is the family patriarch. A hopeless romantic who adores his wife with unbridled fervour. His elite fencing skills and impassioned monologues are rivalled only by his flagrant disregard for his neighbours. The epitome of suave and sophistication.

The Rest - Including Gomez’s cultivated and sullen wife, their two children - obsessed with torture and morbid games, an uncle with a devilish temper and dishonourable intentions, the live-in witch who also serves as the family cook when not dishing out spells and hexes, one seven-foot tall servant and another who is always willing to lend a hand.



Together they form a close-knit family, all hidden away in the ornate family mansion which resembles an archetypal haunted house. A reoccurring theme is how their unorthodox ways and paranormal behaviour dumfounds visitors and guests to the Addams family residence, despite how open and relaxed they are about their ways. Considerably wealthy, though completely unconcerned with money, Gomez’s personal riches becomes a target for his devious lawyer. After befriending the Addams’, he introduces their long lost uncle back into the family under strict instructions to loot the personal vault. Hilarity ensues as the amnesia-suffering Uncle Fester attempts to survive in the family home as well as overcoming the hilarious home security systems in place to protect the Addams’ wealth.

The humour wasn’t enough to contain in one film and a sequel was spawned. Although all the cast returned, I still prefer this endeavour. Good, clean family fun.


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Sheer brilliance.

Posted : 2 weeks, 6 days ago on 8 August 2008 12:51 (A review of Dog Day Afternoon)

Films like this reaffirm my faith in cinema. It is without a doubt one of Al Pacino's least recognised film roles, but nevertheless, one of his most endearing and brilliant.

Dog Day Afternoon recreates the true events of a bank robbery that occurred in August, 1972 in Brooklyn, New York City. Pacino plays Sonny, the brains of what turns out to be a very inept organisation of thieves who raid their local bank. The plan immediately begins to collapse when the youngest accomplice breaks down and asks Sonny to leave the gang. During the heist, it emerges that the bank is not actually holding much money in the safe, resulting in a very small haul for the thieves. Upon trying to leave the building, they are confronted with New York's finest, resulting in an epic stand off that is now the stuff of legend.

The heist rapidly transforms into the hottest thing on TV and crowds flock from across the city to watch the public spectacle. Despite the hostage situation, the bank employees immediately build a rapport with Sonny. During his confrontation with the police he eventually exits the bank to talk to the police chief face-to-face and during a hilarious exchange, manages to get the baying crowds on his side. Despite being a common criminal, his charisma electrifies the crowd and they begin chanting his name, much to the bewilderment and frustrations of the police. Further sending them into a fervour, Sonny begins throwing money into the air, causing several elements of the crowd to overrun the police barricades.

The motive behind Sonny's heist soon comes into the public domain, when his pre-op transsexual partner is bought in to try and entice him out of the bank. Sonny is robbing the bank to pay for his operation - a revelation which causes gay rights activists to march on the scene adding further farce to the spectacle. Things take a turn for the serious when the FBI take over negotiations, refusing any further favours for Sonny, but promising to fulfil his flamboyant request for a jet to escape the country. The film ends with a dramatic event on the airport runway and Sonny's character is immortalised forever.

I'd recommend this film to anybody. Al Pacino is brilliant as a bungling, yet immensely charismatic crook and he steals the show. You'll not believe quite how the film escalates into the media frenzy outside the bank, but you'll be kept laughing and entertained throughout.

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Hilarious OTT action.

Posted : 2 weeks, 6 days ago on 8 August 2008 11:46 (A review of The Condemned)

The premise for The Condemned is simple, it's a Battle Royale rip off. That is to say, a bunch of people are stranded on a desert island and they have to kill each other until only one survivor remains. Instead of school children, The Condemned sets up an island full of convicts on death row. Thankfully, the protagonist (WWE hero Stone Cold Steve Austin) was wrongly imprisoned, so it's OK for us to sympathise with him.

The show is broadcast live, illegally, on the internet and the psychotic director aims to hit a record number of online viewers. He has the archetypal megalomaniac personality and serves only to provide a detestable villain for Stone Cold to hunt down in his spare time. The fact that he is broadcasting live opens up a pointless sub-plot whereby the FBI attempt to crack down on his position, though their investigation seems to just dissolve and end half way through the film.

The rest of the story is filled with hilarious action scenes, with all your favourite rent-a-villains squaring off (unsuccessfully) against Stone Cold. Some of the battles are drastically over the top and at other times, quite brutal. Stone Cold eventually prevails, despite seemingly losing the competition, though he only exacts revenge on the director once Vinnie Jones has mercilessly gunned down the entire crew involved in the production of the sick game. Just about every cliché in the book is ticked off as the WWE continue with their tradition of completely overdoing their explosions and fumbling any emotional aspects of their lead characters' persona.

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Overlooked masterpiece.

Posted : 2 weeks, 6 days ago on 8 August 2008 08:19 (A review of Cross of Iron)

Cross of Iron is a forgotten World War II gem. Released in 1977, the film is set on the crumbling Eastern Front and delivers a story as told from a refreshing German perspective. As well as fighting against a fearless and bloodthirsty enemy, the film shows the bitter in-fighting between a newly transferred aristocratic general and the almost mythical platoon leader of a Wehrmacht regiment.

The film begins with a montage foreshadowing the events of the Eastern invasion, beginning with a zealous charge towards Moscow and ending with a humiliating and desperate retreat. It cuts to the German infantry unit which remains the focus of the rest of the film, on a scouting mission. They dispatch a soviet platoon with chilling brutality and the violence sets the tone for the remainder of the film. Upon returning to the base they are introduced to a new German General, Stransky, transferred to the Eastern front by his own choice.

The German platoon is both battered and fatigued by war. The ideals and principles he brings with him are lost on the beleaguered and battle hardened men. His lack of combat experience and consequent naivety frustrate his fellow commanding officers, particularly James Coburn's character, Steiner. After an attack by soviet forces, the German outpost is saved by the quick thinking of a German general who loses his life in the battle. Stransky seizes this opportunity to take credit for the victory and nominates himself for the Iron Cross. Steiner refutes the claim, leading to Stransky abandoning their platoon when the rest of the German front retreat. Steiner then must guide his man back to the German lines, breaking through both the Soviet forward position and then through that of his own side.

The films anti-war message is clear throughout. The violence pulls no punches and the toll it takes on the mentality of the troops involved is made clear from the outset. The combat scenes are extremely intense and realistic and the platoon is charismatic and endearing. If you are a fan of war films then I'd definitely recommend Cross of Iron. It certainly holds its own amongst the more glamorous and highly funded war films of today.

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Unclouded memories.

Posted : 3 weeks, 5 days ago on 2 August 2008 07:20 (A review of Final Fantasy VII)

Final Fantasy VII marked the first foray into 3D RPG gaming for Japanese giant Squaresoft. It was also the first of three hugely successful titles released on the PlayStation console. For many of us growing up in the digital age, it is fondly remembered as a first RPG game and the immense success of the sequels is almost entirely attributable to the solid fan base that this particular game garnered. There are very few RPG series' that can claim to hold such a monopoly over the genre as the Final Fantasy legacy, which is a title that enjoys moderate recognition amongst casual game players, rather than just RPG aficionados.

The game itself throws you straight into the action. The first time I ever played it I was amazed at how the graphics of the opening FMV were seemingly interwoven with the start of the game. You take on the role of a cocky mercenary in the midst of a mission to detonate a huge energy reactor in a dystopian hell-hole of a city. Your character is flippant and disassociated with the task at hand, making it clear that he does not share any of the environmental motivations that fuel his allies on this mission. The three characters you meet early on form the core of the party for the rest of the game. From this point forward the story escalates in scope, beginning with missions in one major city, to eventually embarking on a global campaign to defend the world from celestial obliteration.

The story is epic in scope, building an intense rivalry between the game's protagonist - Cloud Strife, and his former colleague and elite SOLDIER - Sephiroth. As the story unravels, your enemy is increasingly portrayed as a demi-god whose quest for total domination will casually result in the destruction of the civilised world. The rivalry that escalates is intense and believable, made all the more poignant by the personal and mental toll it takes on the emotions and mindset of the protagonist.



At the time of its release, the graphics were lauded as revolutionary and extremely detailed. Nowadays, with the game over ten years old, no player would honestly use those words to describe the visuals. That is why I think it's remarkable that people still pick up and get into the game, even today. The FMV's still hold their own and are vital in conveying highly detailed parts of the storyline, as well as giving you a welcome higher definition example of what monster you are fighting, or how your characters look when they are not pixelated blocks of colour. Each character brings a unique personality to the table, all adding quite substantially to the storyline. Even the two 'hidden' characters have their own moments in the spotlight, with one of the two actually divulging a huge plot twist.

The battle schematics are as good as it gets for a turn-based Active Time Battle system. The magic and weapon systems allow a massive capacity for different tactics and playing styles. Characters are not restricted to a certain type of play as they have been in other Final Fantasy games (e.g a white mage, a black mage, etc), which dispels the established roles of men and women in your party. In my opinion, the Materia system has not been surpassed in any Final Fantasy sequel to date. The complement of limit breaks enhance the unique characteristics of each party member and when dishing them out to an enemy, the feel well-earned and actually have real compassion about them. There are multiple methods, tactics and strategies that can be employed to beat the toughest of enemies and despite playing through the game at least five times to completion, I've never felt as if I've completely mastered and made full use of the system.

Ultimately, the reason I fell in love with the game was its story and its characters. Although some personalities are certainly clichéd, they are, on the whole, a very flawed bunch who struggle with their new expected roles as saviours of the planet. With an increasingly psychotic and almost mythical antagonist taunting them along the journey, you are taken to new weird and wonderful locations, constantly battling against a quite brilliant supporting cast of non-playable characters. The game itself spawned an entire universe of follow-ons and sequels, but my advice would be to ignore them all and take the game as face value. It's much more interesting and debate sparking that way.



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French fervor

Posted : 1 month ago on 27 July 2008 06:01 (A review of Hate)

La Haine follows three French youths over the course of a day in their derelict and run down housing estate in a Parisian suburb. The day comes after intense rioting which occurred the previous night and highlights the after effects of heightened tension between police and the local citizens. As events transpire, we learn that one of the riot police officers lost his weapon during the riot and that it has since been found by Vinz (Cassel), who is determined to prove himself and earn respect in the community by exacting revenge on a police officer.

The entire film is shot in black and white and scores a lot of marks in the cinematography department. The essence of hopelessness and teenage anger saturate the film as the disillusioned youth take it upon themselves to do battle with a relentless and abusive police force. At times, their suburban estate looks as though an ongoing war is being fought thanks to the sheer number of abandoned buildings and rampant urban decay. There is a clear hierarchy on the streets and even the youngest street rats have developed a streetwise personality in the culture of drugs and violence that pervades daily life.

Vincent Cassel, Saïd Taghmaoui and Hubert Kounde all give decent enough performances as the three interracial protagonists who struggle to exist in the run down and neglected neighbourhood. However, they are not helped by the fact that each character profile is cherry-picked from the Hollywood handbook of clichés. We have a gentle, level-headed giant who just wants to leave the ghetto, he is juxtaposed with a hot headed and generally ignorant baby who is determined to prove himself. Then there is the charismatic and confident middle ground who acts as a foil between them, who only seems to talk himself into trouble at the best of times.

The dialogue seemed extremely empty to me. There is a chance that the DVD is poorly subtitled of course, and I kind of hope it is, because there were long periods where I could've just strolled down to the bus stop to hear some more interesting banter. This is also linked into the fact that the plot, towards the end of the film, became extremely non-essential and unrewarding. Despite briefly showing the gulf in status between the Parisian middle-classes and the estate-raised hoodlums, the trip to the centre of Paris seemed to be included on a whim and turned out to be an excuse to wrench in another example of police brutality. It almost became Warriors-esque towards the end with the three main characters struggling to stay safe for long enough before they could get home the next morning. There may be an argument that what occurred and what was said is just a standard example of 'real life', though I thought this exceptionally weak segment of the film removed all of the tension and HATE that had built up at the beginning. Combined with the almost childish dialogue, all of the early themes seemed to dissipate, and the wider problems of brutality, destitution and an underclass lacking in both education and any hope of a decent future were glossed over and heavily diluted. You got the feeling it didn't matter because the protagonists were still getting along just fine. Dandy in fact.

Just as I figured the ending would peter into mediocrity, I was shocked into a state of of confusion by the final scene. It seemed tacked on, rushed and unnecessary. If you are looking for a superb film which documents the hardships of the young under-classes in an oppressive and violent ghetto, then look no further than City of God, which is a much more powerful and solid film.

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A Knight's Tale

Posted : 1 month ago on 27 July 2008 10:15 (A review of The Dark Knight)

It has been almost impossible to avoid the hype surrounding The Dark Knight, a film that is guaranteed to be this years biggest summer blockbuster. My own anticipation for this film reached almost unrestrained proportions in the build up to its release in the same manner that it had back in the day when The Matrix: Reloaded was first showcased. Thankfully this film didn't build me up and then throw me back down to Earth with a bump in the same disappointing way that The Matrix managed. With the internet a minefield of spoilers and the incremental release of the film across the world guaranteeing that some American, somewhere, would probably carelessly divulge a huge plot twist before I got to see it for myself, I took the necessary precautions and shut myself away from all media links, reviews, blogs and synopses. In fact, all I had to salivate over was a singular promotional poster of The Joker, back to the camera, wearing his iconic purple suit and wielding a knife and a playing card.

The final result is incredible. Christopher Nolan delivers a comic book adaptation that boasts moralistic themes that are unparalleled amongst other films in the genre. I've seen the status of this film compared with The Empire Strikes Back and I would certainly agree that it surpasses the original Batman Begins story in every way. The second film in any superhero series always has the benefit of not having to develop the heroes origins and initial struggles in the limelight, but something I appreciated about The Dark Knight was the fact that The Joker's background was never divulged or explained in any detail. For me, this made him all the more sinister as a psychotic thug and brilliant master criminal who had lived in Gotham quite peacefully until appearing out of nowhere and descending the city into chaos.


Crackdown on Crime!

The brilliant characters are what drive this film forward. The spotlight was always going to be on the late Heath Ledger in what would be his swan song role as Batman's most notorious arch enemy, and he does not disappoint one bit. His walk, talk, facial expressions, ticks and debonair attitude all portray a man who is every inch the psychotic genius. Generally heartless and without mercy, one thing that impressed me was just how dark and sinister they made The Joker out to be while maintaining a relatively low age certificate for the film. He is brilliant as Batman's enemy. Whereas Jack Nicholson portrayed a Joker whose camp humour and scripted one-liners offered viewers hope and a sense of civility buried under the madness, Ledger's Joker offers no such comfort. Unable to match Batman on the physical front, The Joker nevertheless remains one step ahead of him thanks to his superior intellect and devastating unpredictability. This performance is one that will be rightfully lauded for a long time.

After an intense crackdown on organised crime by Batman, James Gordon and newly appointed DA Harvey Dent, the mob looks to the unknown and entrust The Joker to level the playing field. His criminal excellence soon turns Gotham into a panic stricken city of chaos in his attempts to bring the establishment crumbling down around him. Without the motivation of personal wealth or monetary gain driving him, The Joker's sole aim is to see society collapse. In the process, Batman is turned from a figure of hope who inspires copycat vigilantes and fearless citizens, to an icon of double-standards and corruption. After all, he often breaks the law to apprehend his criminals, so who polices him? The knee-jerk response of the public is to call for his head and you soon realise just how terrified the citizens of Gotham are, it's a recurring theme and one that is conveyed quite potently right through to the end of the film.

Christian Bale improves as both Batman and his ignorant playboy alter-ego this time around and Maggie Gylenhaal is a welcome replacement to the wooden and utterly boring Katie Holmes as Bruce's love interest. Aside from Heath Ledger though, it is Gary Oldman and Aaron Eckhart who deliver electrifying performances that are integral to making the film so entertaining to watch. The former, portraying James Gordon, a man that is so obviously driven by an ambition to stamp out crime in Gotham that you think he may be on the borderline of going vigilante himself at times. The latter, Harvey Dent, is a man who shares the anti-crime stance and delivers himself with confidence and compassion for fellow citizens. Although never really caring for the character of Harvey Dent before this film, Eckhart's performance was incredibly stirring and I began to fully appreciate him as the loyal and steadfast political saviour of Gotham - which made his transcendence into Two Face even more difficult and heart-breaking to watch.

Aside from the spirited characters and the gripping storyline, the film is helped by the wonderful location of Gotham, a city that is extremely tenebrific, sullen and constantly see-sawing between salvation and pandemonium. The car chase through Gotham's rotten underbelly in the middle of the film was one of the most intense and enjoyable moments of the film for me, seeing The Joker essentially reclaim the night for the mob by turning the city into a deadly battleground was extremely profound, with the outcome of the battle being as unpredictable as The Joker himself.

The Dark Knight was a cinematic experience that will not be equalled for me in a long time. I'm sure they'll make a third Batman film, though whether they'll ever be able to recreate such an epic and sinister showdown is something I highly doubt. The film is both solid enough to never make you resort to the 'well, it is a comic book adaptation...' line (to describe over the top plots or stunts) and freakishly disturbing in a way that only a graphic novel adaptation can be. It might almost be too uncomfortable to watch if you didn't know beforehand that the schemes and characters came from a cartoon world of fiction and flamboyance. Pervaded by a moody and almost comically overbearing score and littered with dark humour throughout, The Dark Knight delivered on every level and more than lived up to the hype. You owe it to yourself to see the film, it's going to be huge!



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