Lists
Reviews
Images
Movies
TV Shows
DVDs
Music
Books
Games
Profile
Reviews by Grand Assault
I'm not sick, but I'm not well.
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 25 April 2008 05:37
(A review of "Peep Show")There is a popular group doing the rounds on Facebook entitled: "If you don't like Peep Show, you're probably not worth knowing", and I think that's a message that rings true. Peep show is a pioneering Channel 4 comedy which if filmed almost entirely in a first person perspective. Amidst the hilarious exchanges and awkward scenarios encountered by the main duo, you hear a narration of the thoughts that are going on in their head, and these voice-overs are woven in seamlessly during a conversation. It's sheer brilliance. The characters are two men who live at the complete opposites of the social spectrum. Drawn together by the fact that they are university friends, the hard-working, prudish, self-deprecating Mark keeps Jeremy, his lazy, bone-idle impulsive friend as a flatmate throughout the numerous series'. It is a recipe for pure comedy.  0 comments, Reply to this entry
I am the law!
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 25 April 2008 04:44
(A review of Judge Dredd)This film suffers from an appalling rating on IMDb, but it's not deserved. Judge Dredd is based on the principle character of the 2000AD comic book series published in England. I'm not sure if the character itself is as known world wide as it is in England, but the comic book version is a no-nonsense, hyper-violent, Justice-preserving machine! Although the film isn't as bloodthirsty as the comics, the scenarios that Dredd finds himself in, the plot line in general and even his huge imposing figure is a perfect representation of a comic book hero who deals with such farcical situations on a routine basis! In the film, Dredd is framed for the murder of a chief of justice or something... it doesn't really matter, we've seen it all before and it's a regular 'clear your name' affair. The Judge does so with aplomb, with some hysterically cliche moments to go along with it. I'll never forget the moment of realisation that Dread has out in the wastelands after he's just iced a marauding band of cannibals and just happens to see his former boss next to the Chief Lady Justice statue! Why on earth that would be there is anyone's guess, but if there's anything that can motivate the law himself, it's that statue! Comic book greatness. 1 comments, Reply to this entry
Black Snake Moan review
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 25 April 2008 04:06
(A review of Black Snake Moan)I wasn't immediately sure what to make of this film. On the one hand I appreciated the fundamentally sincere performances from both Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci, but on the other hand I figured the story was ultimately pointless, it never left me feeling fulfilled. Christina Ricci plays a woman who is addicted to sex and this eventually leads to her being beaten and essentially left for dead at the side of the road. Luckily for her, kind Samaritan Sam L. is on hand to take her in and help her recover, but being a man of staunch morals and religious dignity, he sees her nymphomatic ways and seeks to stamp them out of her. Obviously, the thought of a black man keeping a white woman chained to his secluded farmhouse is going to raise tensions and throughout the film I assumed that something terrible was going to become of it. I was surprised however, that nothing of the sort really happened. I'm not sure what to make of the development of the main characters either, Sam L seemed to be eternally troubled, but his demons disappeared as soon as he played the blues with his old band at the local bar, then again Ricci's severe sexual impulses were always bordering on returning at the end of the film too, so what gives? In summary, great acting, I loved Sam L's live performances, but generally a pointless story. 0 comments, Reply to this entry
Collateral Damage review
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 25 April 2008 03:45
(A review of Collateral Damage)Heading into the twilight of his marvellous (MARVELLOUS!) film career, Arnie attempted to grow old with dignity with Collateral Damage. His idea of dignity involves solving a problem without the use of a firearm and growing some endearing facial hair to emphasise his rugged features. Arnie plays an every day American hero - a fireman - who loses everything one day when terrorist scum bags decide to detonate his wife and child with a huge bomb. Labelled as 'Collateral Damage' by the authorities, Arnie has to seek his own justice after his country turns its back on him. This involves a terrifying trip to Columbia, thought to be the hideout of the heinous terrorist leader. Credit where credit's due, Arnie's character isn't an 'Ex-navy SEAL' or 'Ex Royal Marine SAS training commando', he's just a fireman, and at times he seems to convincingly portray a man out of his depth. Sadly, I didn't really enjoy the film. It was just one of those films that was a little bit boring, maybe because there weren't enough 'more bodies than bullets' gunfights that we're so used to seeing with the big man! Or maybe it was because the film underwent many revisions after the 9/11 bomb attacks in one of those insane examples of quality being compromised for perceived decency. 0 comments, Reply to this entry
Just a flesh wound!
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 25 April 2008 03:37
(A review of Last Action Hero)Arnie shows his lighter side in this comedy/action film from the directorial legend John McTiernan. Essentially a modern-day fairy tale, Last Action Hero centres around a film-loving kid who will stop at nothing to see his favourite big screen idol in action - something that eventually lands him in trouble with his mother after he even goes as far as to skip school to do so. When seeing an advanced screening of Jack Slater IV - he is offered a mysterious cinema ticket, said to contain magical powers before the showing. Cue a freak event that switches him from his real world of mundaneness into the action-packed hollywood film land and straight into the back seat of a car-chase currently commencing with his hero Slater (Arnie) as the driver. This film was panned at the box office, but I don't see why, it's just a harmless piece of fun. It is littered with intentional cliches and cameo appearances from some of my favourite film stars. It's a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously and it's good to see the action film genre poking fun at itself. There are some classic gags involved and I particularly enjoyed the appearance of Ian McKellen! 0 comments, Reply to this entry
Minority Report
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 25 April 2008 03:25
(A review of Minority Report)Minority Report is a solid science-fiction film and one of the better interpretations of a Philip K. Dick story. Set in the year 2054, humanity has pioneered a new technology which successfully predicts whenever a murder will be committed, before the crime is carried out. This in turn has led to the formation of a new branch of law enforcement charged with responding to and arresting the perpetrators before they commit the deed. Such is the success of this new form of law enforcement that no murder has been committed in six whole years. Obviously there are moral objections to the arrest and imprisonment of a person before they've even committed a crime, though just around the corner is a vote to spread the technology nationally. The results seem to speak for themselves, but the ethical dilemma still remains. There is a further morality crisis when debating about how the murders are predicted - by people who are 'best not regarded as human beings'. Hollywood heavyweights Tom Cruise and Steven Speilberg deliver a successful high-budget film based in a nightmarish dystopian future. The story is engrossing and mentally challenging - it certainly asks a question that you will probably find difficult to answer, could you live in a society like this? 0 comments, Reply to this entry
"I'll brief dem in de air!"
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 25 April 2008 07:53
(A review of True Lies)A classic comedy/action spy caper with one of the 20th centuries most capable directors at the helm. True Lies follows Arnie as Harry Tasker, who leaves an exhilarating double life as an undercover agent while masquerading as a computer salesman in front of his family. Harry is so convincing as a dull, everyday salesman that his wife becomes bored of their marriage and contemplates an affair with a used car vendor who manages to attract her interest by pretending to be an undercover spy himself. Cue a hilarious misuse of top secret government equipment as Harry takes time out from spying on an international terrorist group hell-bent on bringing America to its knees and instead focuses a huge amount of manpower and equipment on spying on his wife. The film is not afraid of using cliches, and I'm almost certain that every scene featured is an homage or direct rip off of a James Bond scene, but that doesn't matter. The entertainment often borders on farce, particularly during the movie climax, but there's no harm in disengaging your brain and enjoying the raw entertainment value of the film. There are no alarms and no surprises as Arnie portrays an agent that is lacking in both suaveness and sophistication, but his powerful presence always reminds you that he is capable of saving the day, even after the Florida Keys get nuked. 0 comments, Reply to this entry
He had to split.
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 19 April 2008 07:52
(A review of The Running Man)Undoubtedly one of Arnie's finest. The Running Man takes place in a dystopian future where violent game shows are regularly screened to the baying populace in an attempt to appease to oppressed. Arnies' character, Ben Richards, is a police helicopter pilot who nobly refuses to gun down hoards of unarmed civilians in a downtown food riot. He is swiftly overpowered by his colleagues (yeah right) who proceed to massacre the rioters and pin the despicable crime on him. As a convicted criminal he is soon chosen to star in the most popular show on the air -The Running Man. The premise, as broadcast to the audience, is that criminals are fighting for survival and once caught are sent on holiday for their troubles. The reality is much different and behind the guise of flamboyant hunters and charismatic hosts, the contestants are always killed when they are caught. This film has some of the Arnie's finest lines ever caught on camera and some of the most memorable scenes from his career are brought together here. It's the perfect action film. They just don't make these dystopian societies in films anymore! 0 comments, Reply to this entry
Change your ways
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 19 April 2008 06:52
(A review of End of Days)Arnie has taken on many foes during his glorious career on the big screen, ranging from a band of rambunctious school children to entire private armies; from pregnancy to the entire human race, so where do you go from there? Well when there's nobody left to destroy with your hulking bulk of muscle and power, it's time to battle the devil. This film is all about religious cliches, though to its credit, it was released long before Dan Brown jumped onto that bandwagon and rode it all the way to the bank. From everyone's character names to the obligatory secret religious cult, it's all here. It's up to Arnie and his 9 millimetre to protect a girl who is wanted dead by the church. Legend has it that she is destined to conceive the son of Satan and thus, she is guarded from Satanists by the church. The film is nothing special, but I think it's worth a watch just for the completely ridiculous moments that occur throughout. Arnie throwing Satan out of a window and the Devil nailing a priest through the skull with a crucifix rank up there with the most absurd moments, though I did enjoy it when Satan was obliterated by an underground train as well. The film culminates in Arnie's first ever on-screen death as a human character, I know I felt like weeping - any man who can take on Lucifer doesn't deserve to meet such a grim end! The cast is a definite plus for the film, the legendary Arnie, fan favourite Udo Kier and then the star of the show - Satan himself - who really was the saving grace of acting in End of Days. 1 comments, Reply to this entry
Mortal Kombat review
Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 19 April 2008 05:23
(A review of Mortal Kombat)Without a doubt, the inferior fighting game franchise to come out of the 90's. For me, this would never compete with the mighty Street Fighter. There were never enough characters, never enough moves, the fighting was bugged (you could just sweep an opponent to death) and it felt far too choppy (even for the technological constraints at the time). They tried to make a game that was far too serious and compensated for a lack of ingenuity with shed loads of blood and violent finishing moves. Who were they trying to kid!? The faux-3D graphics weren't fooling anybody, the music was sub par and the stages and arenas were nothing special either. The depressing/intense mood they were trying to convey always took the fun out of playing it for me when I was a kid, the lame character choices and complete lack of variety in the move lists made it feel like a very claustrophobic game to boot. 1 comments, Reply to this entry
|
