Reviews by Grand Assault

All reviews - Movies (272) - TV Shows (42) - Books (10) - Music (64) - Games (79)

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York review

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 19 April 2008 02:56 (A review of Home Alone 2: Lost in New York)

It's unbelievable what the Super Nintendo used to get away with in terms of games. Looking back at these film-to-game conversions there's no reason why this one should stick out amidst the many that were released around the same time in a cheap attempt to cash in on a wave of cinema-going excitement. But for some reason, I played this game a lot. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it now, I don't think I'd ever be seen dead buying a game-of-a-film these days.

The gameplay was the most basic side-scrolling action you can ever imagine. All you had to do was dodge people walking around and of course dreaded stray appliances like hoovers and the like which would apparently kill you on impact. Thank God gaming has improved since then. I played it again recently on an emulator and was completely unimpressed.

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Antidotes (2CD) review

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 19 April 2008 07:07 (A review of Antidotes (2CD))

Indie darlings, Foals, release their much anticipated debut album after what seems like an age of putting out demos and playing live gigs across the country. Formed of former members of the mighty, yet almost completely unknown, Edmund Fitzgerald, I was expecting a sound reminiscent of the heavy, gloomy math rock that the former band pioneered. That isn't the case however, as the music on offer here is far more accessible and poppy than I anticipated.

That's not to say it's a bad album. It took me a few listens to begin to appreciate it on the whole, but stand out tracks like Cassius and Balloons were instant hits. In essence, they've put out a bunch of bite sized experimental pop-songs. I really think they could've made more use of their instruments throughout the entire album as the breakdowns in songs such as Heavy Water are amazing and show what talent they have as instrumentalists. The vocals on the other hand are hit and miss, seemingly effective on the songs made for single release, but being too unimpressive for other songs where I wish they'd just let the instruments do the talking.

I think the next album will be make or break time for the band, they can either go a bit more leftfield and knock out some amazing tracks, or they could continue with another album like this and not reach their full potential as a band.

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"Dog the Bounty Hunter" review

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 07:32 (A review of "Dog the Bounty Hunter")

Dog the Bounty Hunter is something of a cult figure nowadays. He's a tongue-in-cheek hero amongst my family and to see that he is satirised in cartoons is a sign of his increasing stature.

The format of the show is simple. Some dude will come to Dog's HQ with the latest felon who has skipped bail or missed a court date for a really meagre offence, and DOG WILL THEN HUNT HIM DOWN AND MAKE HIM PAY. I can't ever remember seeing him take down a serious criminal, it's always people who have been caught in the possession of drugs, or ran a stop sign in the middle of the night. But that's what makes the take downs all the more sweet.

They'll spend a whole day thundering through sleepy Hawaiian towns in their huge conspicuous black off-roaders and then finally surround the criminal in his home while he's asleep, half-naked and harmless before storming in with CS gas and non-lethal guns to make the arrest. The Chapman family then makes the most of the drive back to the courthouse by practically reforming the criminal in the back-seat before they throw him into jail. Sometimes it just makes for beautiful television. Other times, it makes for a great drinking game.


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"Eurotrash" review

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 07:13 (A review of "Eurotrash")

One of those shows that reminds me of channel hoping while lying in bed at night desperate for something entertaining to come on. Eurotrash never always filled that requirement, but due to the absurdity of some of the stories and segments they had on there, you couldn't help yourself but watch.

When it wasn't featuring a bunch of naked Germans frolicking in a field worshipping a long-dead wiccan god, they'd often feature some of the world's most beautiful women. The presenter is utterly detestable, but I'll never forget the day I first laid eyes on Monica Bellucci on his show!

Not something I ever watched religiously, the programme was saturated with too many vibrant colours and sets, flamboyant presenters, wacky presenters and general lameness for me to ever seriously care for, but sometimes they'd have something to make you laugh.

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I am a bomb, you have just armed me.

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 06:48 (A review of Die Hard: With a Vengeance)

The one winning formula that Die Hard has come up with is casting legendary British actors as German mastermind criminals. It's a strange idea, not one that immediately springs to mind at least, but it works. The Grubers have been McClane's greatest enemies and spawned the greatest Die Hard films as a result. I don't think anything can beat the legendary original, but this is still a thoroughly entertaining action film.

I've heard people criticise it because the plot is too difficult to follow, but it really isn't. It's your average heist affair with a simple twist at the end. Luckily, America's greatest ever cop is there to thwart the proceedings and this time he has an accomplice in the shape of the reluctant Samuel L. Jackson. I have seen this film so many times that it's permanently ingrained into my psyche.

From the fantastic opening shot and the classic introduction of the protagonist right through the city-wide manhunt and culminating in the final showdown, this film is pure entertainment throughout. They just don't make cocky, average super-heroes like this anymore, and that's a real shame!

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Sideways review

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 06:20 (A review of Sideways)

Watching this film initiated my love for Paul Giamatti, the thinking man's hero. He plays an unpublished writer who suffers from serious depression and regrets about his failed marriage, and he does so with aplomb. He embarks on a road-trip with a former room mate, who is soon to marry, around the vineyards of California. His plans of relaxation, wine tasting and good clean fun are abruptly destroyed when his playboy friend (Thomas Hayden Church - who when not playing unconvincing super villains is actually a good actor) begins a lustful relationship with a young waitress they meet.

Sideways is a hilarious film littered with strong performances throughout. I'm Sandra Oh's biggest critic, but not even she could ruin the fun. As the two old men (seemingly the complete personality opposites of one another) embark on a student-like adventure, Giamatti's character develops a love interest of his own as a new hope dawns on his bleak life.

An indie film without the trademark quirky cast and edgy clichés that blight so many other films of this genre in today's day and age.

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Basic Instinct review

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 05:31 (A review of Basic Instinct)

This movie came out when I was 7 years old. Luckily, I didn't see it for another seven years and first caught glimpse of it when I first got a TV in my room. Needless to say, I stayed tuned in because of my love of Michael Douglas, my favourite action star as a very young child thanks to his performances in Jewel in the Nile. I guess the rampant sex scenes helped keep me glued too.

I don't remember much about the storyline (and even after repeated watches, it's never something that sticks with me), but what I do remember is being mildly obsessed with Sharon Stone's femme fatale character. It fuelled many a fantasy back in the day and it's still a character I have a soft spot for in cinema. I must say it all went down hill from here for my Michael Douglass appreciation society (exception of Falling Down). I just can't look at him any more without feeling just a little bit sad.

Basic Instinct revolves around the relationship which forms between a police detective and the prime suspect in the murder case which he's assigned to investigate. As the relationship blossoms it becomes more violent and begins to have a detrimental effect on the already troubled detective. Lots of sex scenes, massive amounts of controversy and the legendary Paul Verhoeven ensured that this film was a critical and commercial success story.

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Welcome, Commander.

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 05:06 (A review of Command & Conquer)

This is the game that sparked an interest in the RTS genre for me. I have so many fond memories of playing this around my cousin's house and thinking it was one of the most brutal and realistic games I'd ever seen! It literally amazed me how you could manage so many troops on the field at the same time and that they would all automatically fire at will whenever they came into contact with the enemy. Mind blowing!

As I got older I began to appreciate the story line a bit more. That in itself is epic and has spawned an entire new universe of sequels and fan fictions. The game was revolutionary at the time and isn't so bad these days. I wouldn't think twice about giving it a run through and I own it on the playstation as well. The almost cartoon-like battle FMVs and the legendary video conferences with Kane and General Sheppard look so basic compared with the Hollywood stars they've drafted for the roles ever since then, but they're still inspirational. This was the great way to kick off the franchise and it's supported by an incredible soundtrack by anthem-meister Frank Klepacki. There's not much more you could ask for in a game.

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The King of Iron Fist

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 04:44 (A review of Tekken 4)

As Tekken made its way onto the PS2 I had huge hopes for the franchise. Tekken 3 was a superb game that truly pushed the limits of a the playstation console and delivered an immense fighting experience. Tekken Tag Tournament was the first foray of Tekken onto the Playstation 2 and I lapped it up. I loved the game in the arcade and spent considerable sums of money playing it until it was finally released on the consoles. As an update for Tekken 3 it had the same smooth running and rapid, smooth fighting style as its predecessor.

When Tekken 4 came out I expected even further improvement, but I was ultimately let down. They went for a drastic improvement in aesthetics but in turn this made the fighting more clunky. The environmental interactions ripped off straight from the Dead or Alive franchise border on the ridiculous at times and have the ability to completely ruin a fight. The new characters are almost entirely non-descript and I essentially lost faith as the franchise went for eye candy over gameplay. A tradition they continued into Tekken 5 - surely the end of the line for Namco.

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Medieval Total War: Viking Invasion review

Posted : 1 year, 7 months ago on 18 April 2008 04:31 (A review of Medieval Total War: Viking Invasion)

This is a superb expansion, not so much because of the new Viking campaign that it offers, but because of all of the new features it unlocks from the original game. It truly breathes more life into an already fully functioning game.

The expansion focuses on England after the fall of the Roman empire at the turn of the century. The generally useless tribesman are at war in different parts of the region and just like Medieval and Shogun: Total War, it's up to you to take over everything in your way to claim ultimate victory. As well as Welsh farmers and dirty Saxon drunkards, you also have to contend with vicious viking raids, or, if you felt that way inclined, you can play as the vikings and reign terror on the green isles of Britain.

If that's not your bag, and frankly, it does get difficult and less than interesting with the lack of advanced units in the tech tree (the most advanced units in the game are pretty much the peasantry in Medieval Total War), then you can just revisit the original game. This time, there are more factions unlocked, such as the Sicilians and even the Papacy, and lots of frustrating or buggy events from the original game are ironed out. One of the best games I've ever splashed out on, it made me fall in love with a game all over again.

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