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Hollywood 101

Posted : 5 months ago on 22 June 2009 12:50 (A review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen)

Michael Bay laughs in the face of global recession with his 2009 summer blockbuster. It must be quite fulfilling to know that you can splash 200 million dollars on a film and guarantee that it's going to claim it all back at the box office. If you ever watched the first Transformers film then you'll know exactly what to expect from the second:

1. An unchallenging plot
2. Megan Fox in skimpy clothes
3. Sixty foot robots kicking the hell out of each other
4. US Army recruitment drive

All of these are present in abundance in the sequel. The action starts immediately as the Autobots continue to hunt down and eradicate rogue Decepticon enemies in the name of a free Earth. As always, some nerdy pen-pushing chucklefuck decides that the indispensable job carried out by the Autobots is a bad thing and tries to get them to leave the planet. Luckily, the Decepticons manage to kick up a fuss before they leave and Man and Machine must unite again to fight the alien threat.

In the middle of all this, Shia tries to go to college (with hilarious results) his parents try to go on holiday (with destructive results) and Megan tries to fix cars (with skimpy results). The Autobots take a bit of a back seat until the end of the film, which culminates in another mother of all battles between woefully ill-equipped humans, monstrous machines and a hapless Egyptian landscape.

There's not much left to say other than the fact that the dialogue is ultra cheesy, there are gratuitous slow-motion running shots of Megan Fox, the robots sometimes fight too quickly for you to figure out what's going on and the damage to public property is relentless. And so in all, it's a mildly entertaining mind-number with plenty of (but some how not enough) explosions.

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Red Dawn

Posted : 6 months ago on 25 May 2009 08:42 (A review of Red Dawn)

Red Dawn is a surprisingly well executed 'alternate reality' film involving a scenario where the United States is invaded by communist forces. From the opening scene, the film pulls no punches in terms of violence and shocking imagery, as soviet paratroopers drop into school grounds before rounding up and firing on young children. Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen star as young brothers who sally out from the communist clutches before seeking refuge in the nearby mountains with a handful of other escapees.

It isn't long before their home town is turned into a ghetto, with their families bundled into 're-education' camps and murdered at whim by ruthless communist generals. The scenes galvanise the young children into forming a guerilla resistance group. Calling themselves 'Woverines' after their school football team, the rebels are responsible for some serious destruction, but the war and its lack of a conceivable endpoint soon takes its toll on the youngsters.

The ending of the film, as well as the fate of a handful of characters is left ambiguous, but the action was relentless and violent throughout. If nothing else, it was an extremely thought provoking film. There are obvious biases towards the right to bear arms and national patriotism, but these are more subtle than I expected, considering this film was released at the height of the cold war. The only truly negative aspect of the film was how ludicrously competent the children become with high powered weapons and military tactics, which was perhaps the most far fetched aspect of all. Otherwise this was just a great action film with plenty of harrowing and contemplative scenes.

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Appaloser

Posted : 7 months, 2 weeks ago on 7 April 2009 09:26 (A review of Appaloosa)

I was absolutely salivating at the prospect of seeing this film. All it took was one look at the cast-list, followed by a glimpse of the promotional posters to make me realise that it had all the right ingredients to be a really great film. Just check out THIS poster of Ed Harris - oh yeah, he looks grizzled and bad ass. And then look at THIS poster of Viggo Mortensen - oh yeah, he looks grizzled and bad ass too! All they need now is a ruthlessly grizzled and bad ass villain to pit their wits against. Look no further than Jeremy 'GODDAMN' Irons. This cast-list is the stuff of dreams.

The film starts off on a high, showing what a merciless threat Jeremy Irons' corrupt landowner poses to the nearby town of Appaloosa. Just when things are looking bleak for the settlement, salvation appears in the form of crime fighting renegades Harris and Mortensen. The stage is set for some intense encounters with the lawmen staking their authority at the expense of the anarchic gang and their drunken antics. There are several tense encounters which see the lawmen hugely outnumbered, but never out of control as order slowly creeps back into Appaloosa. But you know, you just know... it's not going to remain peaceful for very long.

Then - the unthinkable happens. After a fantastic scene-setting introduction to the film, any enjoyment or anticipation you have is completely and utterly dissipated. How? Well in the interests of science, I've summed up the entirety of the film with this irrefutable graph.



That's right. The introduction of one lousy woman - a woman I had completely missed from all the promo posters I'd seen of the film - manages to completely drain the machismo and entertainment from the movie. She also makes Ed Harris' cool, collected and efficient character look like a complete moron. That's just not going to fly. What's so bad about her? I still can't place her character, I think the gist of it is that she's a sex-crazed slapper who just waltzes from man to man, no matter how heinous their reputation.

This film could've been a lot better than it was. The combination of a poor female part twinned with a poor female actress really dished out a deathblow to a film with an abundance of potential. I have given it a 5/10 purely because Ed Harris directed, and I love the man. If the cast-list fills you with high hopes for this Western adventure, then prepare to be disappointed.

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Dear Jesse

Posted : 8 months, 1 week ago on 16 March 2009 09:51 (A review of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford)

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is a detailed portrait of the infamous American outlaw during the final years leading up to his death at the hands of fellow bandit, Robert Ford. Weighing in with a running time of a cool two-and-a-half hours, this epic story runs almost as long as the film’s unnecessarily long title, though with the original cut rumoured to have stretched over the four hour mark, I’m not complaining.

Contrary to most Western films, the action element is subdued, and much of the time is spent focused firmly on character interactions and development. Indeed, the opening scene depicts a train robbery (the last ever committed by the James brothers) and very little action is witnessed hereafter. As a result it does feel like a slow-burner. The film introduces us to Jesse James with a narration that paints him as a Messianic figure, set to beautiful accompanying music, we are instantly sold as to just how brilliant he is. Competent, flattering, a much-adored gentleman, we’re not supposed to regard Jesse as a criminal, but rather a majestic individual who, despite being America’s most wanted man, even had the unwavering support and respect of the everyday man on the street.

This is in stark contrast to the manner in which Robert Ford is introduced. Initially given zero attention as he flits invisibly around the train-robbery gang members, he is eventually told to leave by Jesse’s brother. His speech is feeble and unnatural, he almost seems eternally on the verge of bursting into tears. He is the direct opposite to Jesse, every inch the weak minded and bodied character. He is played to perfection by Casey Affleck. The title of the film alone makes you dislike him immediately, though by contrasting him so starkly against Jesse, you somehow come to despise him more. It makes you angry that a man so seemingly incompetent could be responsible for Jesse’s downfall.

After the train heist, the James brothers go their separate ways, leaving Jesse on his own after Frank retires from crime. The gang splinters and disbands other than a core bunch consisting of the Ford Brothers amongst others. The following segment of the film slows dramatically. Jesse descends gradually into paranoia, expunging outlaws who were once his colleagues with very questionable motives. Brad Pitt’s on-screen moments pull this part of the film through. He is brilliant and unpredictable when on screen. During the beginning of the film he orchestrates a train robbery with the grace of a flamboyant ringmaster, whereas here he is slowly taken over by mistrust and rage. The film also utilises some truly stunning vistas to enhance the beauty of the story and romanticism of the iconic Western hero. The grandness of the surrounding countryside add further to the feeling that Jesse is increasingly lonely. It is perhaps this reason that he chooses to spend time with Robert Ford, a man obsessed with him and sycophantic in his ways as a consequence.



As Jesse becomes evermore paranoid, he invites Robert and his brother to stay with him, partly for protection, partly to scheme for a future robbery. By now the relationship between Robert and Jesse is extremely complex. Jesse is Robert’s all time hero, a man he has looked up to since birth, but his success grates him. He is a nobody in comparison and this breeds untold hatred towards him as a result. With Ford already in cahoots with the local law enforcers regarding the downfall of James, the tension seemingly builds by the second. The film eventually portrays a hopeless scenario in which the Ford’s are seemingly waiting to kill or be killed by Jesse. During this period Pitt’s portrayal takes a turn to the much darker side, where we see James behind closed doors as a terrifying human being. The film comes alive during this final third as the tension mounts and suffocates the characters, particularly Robert, whose speech once again suffers and becomes evermore faint and erratic.

The eventual assassination is a huge release of emotion and the film ends with a eulogy of James and the fates of the Ford brothers. For the briefest of times you almost feel empathy for Robert Ford, considering the state of an increasingly erratic and unstable Jesse James, though once you view their exploits after the murder your allegiances are rapidly reaffirmed.

The performances of Pitt and Affleck are blatantly strong points in the film. The visual beauty is also impossible to question and the musical score was haunting and effective. Where it falters drastically is the pacing. The film is a long film, but it also feels like a long film. The story could well do with being a lot more concise. The film’s narration also falters at times. Whereas it is used to excellent effect in the opening and final scenes, in places if feels too simplistic and obvious when it mimics the actions on screen like a tedious fire-safety video. All in all, it’s just a beautifully told story with extremely well portrayed characters. Though I can only imagine how tedious a four-hour version would have been.

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Stalker

Posted : 8 months, 2 weeks ago on 8 March 2009 02:08 (A review of Stalker)

The film inspired by Roadside Picnic is directed by Russian prodigy Andrei Tarkovsky. I’ve sat through only one other of his films in the past and that was Solaris. Although it wasn’t a bad film, watching it through can feel like quite hard word at times, given that extremely long cuts and droning silences seem to be his directorial trademarks. Stalker felt like a much easier film to digest, it was much lighter and a lot more interesting than the aforementioned science-fiction film.

Although based on the Strugatsky novel, there are many divergences from the written story. The Zone remains as the principle focus and its most cherished treasure is once again the target for the adventurers. Other than that, the origins of the Zone and the trespassers who are lead across it by the Stalker are all completely new characters and explanations. An unnamed Stalker, presumably based on Red from the novel, begins his day by trying to sneak away from his sleeping wife. He fails, but not even her most heartfelt pleas can persuade him to stay away from the Zone and the multiple dangers it presents. This is, after all, how he makes his living.

He meets a professor and an uninspired writer whom are both fulfil the role of his paying clientèle for this trip. The conversation between them is at first frosty and grim, though the professor demonstrates an air of experience with the zone in contrast to the writer who is more interested in drinking away his fears. After what seems like an unproductive plan of attack, the trio manage to break in past the border guards and high security perimeter, before travelling headlong into the centre of the Zone. The film abruptly reverts to colour during this time, showing the Zone in all of its overgrown and magnificent natural splendour. For the Stalker, this is an awakening, he feels at one with the zone, while his colleagues observe the place with cautious disinterest.

The Zone appears to be an incredible place. It is littered with abandoned buildings, warehouses, automobiles and railroad wreckages, each giving an insight into the thriving life that existed before the area was abruptly forsaken. Deserted tanks are strewn along the countryside casting more intrigue into the historical story of what happened to this peaceful village. It is in stark contrast to the village that the trio came from, which was cast in black and white film as a dreary, delapidated place. The Stalker’s hometown seemed to leach life itself out of its surroundings and everything caught in it. This probably explains his experience of euphoria upon arriving in the restricted area.

It becomes apparent that their goal is a room with the power to grant the inner-most wish of whomever finds it. The Stalker is hired as a guide to navigate the Zone, though his precarious progression soon begins to grate on his associates. As a seasoned veteran of Zone exploration, he has nothing but admiration and respect for the place, it is clear he has seen its many dangers first hand at the expense of previous paying customers. During the trip we are subjected to more extremely long cuts and moments of extreme intensity, all the while the haunting abandoned landscape is showcased in its natural perfection. Some of the bizarre scenery are both profound and haunting, reminding me of modern-day photos of Prypiat, the deserted radiation saturated city. After much disagreement and moral debate, the men arrive at their desired location and the motives are revealed.

The film leaves very little in the way of explanation and to that extent, I was glad I’d read Roadside Picnic beforehand so I had a big idea about what was actually happening. For all of the inherent dangers promised by the Stalker and his explicit caution when navigating through the zone, we are never subjected to any examples of the devastating anomalies which were so fascinating to read about in the book. This did disappoint me somewhat and although I wasn’t expecting any micarulous examples of special effects from the late-70s era Soviet Union, I thought there would be more ingenious and subtle examples of supernatural phenomenon.

Throughout the journey the Stalker almost becomes an observer with the professor and writer being given most of the lines, yet he remains the most fascinating character. Initially revered for his intricate knowledge of the Zone, he is soon mocked for his cautionary nature, before being accused of playing God with the lives of his associates. Come the end of the film, he is shown to be a man who is fiercely loyal to the Zone. Rather than only caring in the monetary reward he receives by bringing travellers to the treasure it holds, he seems to have a genuine faith and a belief in the Zone, as if it is a great overseer of justice. In another subtle hint as to his character, despite being looked on as the intellectual inferior of the three, a final shot shows him back in his house next to a huge bookshelf filled with literature, which along with his penchant for memorising poetry, suggests a guarded intelligence in the head of the troubled guide. He was portrayed to emotional perfection by Aleksandr Kaidanovsky.

Although a part of me wanted to see The Zone come alive and steal the glory in this film, it was left wholly to the actors involved. I thought I’d be interested in seeing a remake, though judging on the previous butchering of Tarkovsky’s work in the form of the celluloid treachery that is Solaris (2002), and the murmurings that John Travolta is already attached to be involved in such a sham, I can safely say I’d rather see the prospect of a remake banished from the conscious of every money-thirsty Hollywood studio in existance for the time being.

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How could they get it so wrong?

Posted : 8 months, 2 weeks ago on 8 March 2009 11:47 (A review of Planet of the Apes)

The original Planet of the Apes is an ambitious and thought-provoking science fiction film most remembered for Charlton Heston's theatrical performance. Even by today's standards it still holds its own and I couldn't think of any reason why it might need to be remade, but with Tim Burton in charge - what could possibly go wrong?

Oh boy. Let me get this out of the way and say that this film is an absolute disaster with no redeeming features. The original was ambiguous in its back story, but it didn't rely on a flashy introduction to set the scene. Tim Burton immediately ignores the source material and comes up with a convoluted electrical space storm and a bizarre chimp training facility floating in space. Fine. Wahlberg finds himself crash landing on an unknown planet anyway and in much the same manner he is soon hunted down by a mysterious primate species.

Unlike our previous stalwart hero Heston, Wahlberg doesn't temporarily lose his voice. Instead he just chooses not to say anything. I thought that this was a little strange - until I realised that every human character could speak fluent English on this mysterious planet. What!? The crashed astronaut is supposed to be a superior species, a scientific marvel that dazzles the apes with his superior motor functions. The moment I realised that humans were still normal humans I knew that the film was just going to nose-dive into the depths of tedium.

Heston is belittled and his fate decided by a corrupt and unfair primate court system. He has no chance to lead a peaceful of civil life amongst the apes, but the one thing he can rely on is his tenacious humanity. Heston's character and his no-nonsense mentality is something that gives the viewer hope, and we all imagine ourselves acting in a similar manner if we were ever caught up in such a diabolical situation. Heston simply relies on his grizzled humanness throughout the experience. In Tim Burton's vision, humans have nothing to fight back with and all of the best lines from the previous film are given to the apes who deliver them with cringe-worthy weakness.

The crashed astrophysicist only temporarily has a laser gun to differentiate himself from the primal herded humans. This time around, emphasis is placed on ape dominance because of their raw strength instead of intellectual dominance, which reeks of exactly the same kind of human egocentrism that probably caused the rise of the apes in the original film. Planet of the apes (original) made for uncomfortable viewing because it displaced humans from the top of the food chain, this time around humans just seem to have lucked out.

The final insult from Tim Burton is the utterly ridiculous and non-sensical ending. There is no realisation that this misery was occurring on Earth the whole time; instead Wahlberg flies BACK through time and BACK to Earth, where he encounters apes as the dominant species again. What!? I'll leave it to anyone to watch the film and realise how this makes absolutely no sense, but until then, if you're a fan of the original and think that Tim Burton usually does no wrong, then be aware that this film is a chronic disappointment!



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Who wants to be entertained?

Posted : 8 months, 2 weeks ago on 7 March 2009 10:26 (A review of Slumdog Millionaire)

I gave Slumdog Millionaire a whirl because of the sheer amount of film awards it seemed to accrue in such a short space of time. I couldn't switch on the radio without news of this film's success being driven through my ears; it won 11 BAFTAs don't you know! I wasn't really disappointed.

The film centres around a young orphan who finds himself in police custody following an exceptional performance on the TV show Who wants to be a millionaire?. Despite capturing public imagination, he is accused of cheating due to his status as a slum dweller. In his defence he tells the police that the questions all relate directly to his life experiences and that fate is the sole reason he knows the answers. The police re-watch a recording of his time on the show and each question is accompanied by a flashback to a time in his life that gives him the appropriate experience to progress in the quiz.

The story, due to its time scale and location, feels quite epic in scope. I was really looking forward to watching the rest of the film after about thirty minutes, it seemed like I was set for an 'adventure' in a similar style as City of God. The storyline wins points for being such an original concept in my eyes, and as with most other Danny Boyle films, there is a good accompanying soundtrack.

However, there were also plenty of flaws that I spotted in the film. Some of the life experiences didn't really give clear answers to the question. His brother owning a gun for example, somehow informed him who invented the revolver. I own a computer, but have no idea who invented the thing! The performance of the main actor left a lot to be desired also. I couldn't place him. He was incredibly well spoken for someone who was raised on the streets. and throughout the film his confidence seemed to fluctuate from cockiness (which you'd expect) to downright simpering at other times. What he was doing and where he was living in the modern day was pretty ambiguous also.

In short, this isn't a bad film by any stretch of the imagination and it will leave you entertained (as well as thanking the heavens that you weren't born in India!). But I do think however that the media has drastically overstated its quality, perhaps just in the hope that an independent film will do well and overachieve this year. Who knows! I was going to offer the film 7 out of 10 until I saw the finale Bollywood style dance during the closing credits. Unforgivable.

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Disappointing

Posted : 8 months, 2 weeks ago on 7 March 2009 07:23 (A review of Max Payne)

Max Payne is based upon the game franchise of the same name. I was sceptical when I heard of a film adaptation of the homicide detective's exploits, partly for two reasons. Firstly, I am a big fan of Max Payne, and thus wouldn't take kindly to a massacring of one of my personal heroes! Second, the distinguishing feature of the Max Payne series is bullet time, which has already been showcased in several other films with remarkably bigger budgets.

The film posters managed to enhance my anticipation. It looked like the potent noir theme of the games had been transferred across to the film. I was quietly confident about the casting of Mark Wahlberg as Max Payne, but other casting decisions weren't so easy to swallow. The transfer of Jim Bravura from an old white guy who fills a role as your boss, to a young black Internal Affairs detective seemed extremely bizarre. Maybe they were trying to fill a race quota or something. The character of Mona Sax lacked any dimension and didn't do any justice to her prominent femme fatale role in the game.

I counted a single scene that was supposed to do bullet time justice and it wasn't that remarkable. What is unforgivable about the film is the finale in which Max embarks on a drug induced frenzy. The editing and filming of these scenes was abysmal. At one point, Max's face is illuminated solely by automatic muzzle fire, but it looked more like a scene from Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody video. For the rest of the finale he was running around emptying clips of ammo into empty spaces. What was that all about?

Mark Wahlberg and (despite his miscasting) Ludacris, were adept in their roles, I couldn't complain there, but the film in general was a forgettable and generic affair. I can't see a sequel being planned, which is a shame, as Max Payne 2 is a much better game!

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Assembly

Posted : 10 months, 2 weeks ago on 11 January 2009 06:55 (A review of Assembly)

Assembly is a war film with a difference in that it does not follow the events of the Second World War. It portrays the events of the Chinese Civil War in the post-1945 battles. The opening scene is a blinder, and throws you into a bloody street battle with blood and dismemberment coming at you from all angles. However from this memorable opening scene, it is all downhill.

The general in charge of the opening attack is then given a mission to defend an old mine from enemy attack - right down until the last man. The mine is of no military importance but serves as the flank for the main land army involved in the conflict. General Gu Zidi is told that he must remain at the mine until he hears the Assembly bugle call from down the valley which will signify their retreat. With just under 50 weary men, a defensive perimeter is established and the company repel wave after wave of enemy attack. Their numbers dwindle rapidly, to the extent that some men claim to have heard the trumpet call. Gu ignores these claims and ends up the only human being to survive the battle.

Up to this point the action was spectacular. The film seems to be shot with a saturated pallet in which everything is grey, dead and dreary coloured. The men fight with unwavering zeal and this makes the battle scenes all the more realistic. But then the film takes a turn for the more mundane as Gu spends the rest of the movie trying to prove that his platoon were ever on the hill in the first place. The mine has been reactivated after the war and the dead are buried deep beneath tonnes of coal. He makes it his personal mission to recover their identities and grant his men official government recognition.

I've no doubt that - if this really is a true story - then Gu's exploits would have been desperate and fraught with sadness and frustration. However, these emotions don't really come across in the film as the years progress rapidly and you often get lost in the time scale. Gu's actions are of a man possessed with recovering honour for people who deserve nothing but, yet every other character or his own periods of down time are simply tiring and uninteresting to watch. What started off as an intense action film sadly petered out into a predictable and uninteresting ending, which was regretful considering the natural skill the director possessed for depicting epic wartime battles.

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Indigènes

Posted : 10 months, 2 weeks ago on 11 January 2009 06:33 (A review of Days of Glory)

Days of Glory offers a refreshing new viewpoint into the events of World War II. It tells the story of indigenous troops drafted from French-owned African territories in order to fight for the freedom of the French motherland from Nazi occupation. The troops are almost completely unskilled in battle techniques and are completely unprepared for war. It wouldn't be too unfair to suggest that they are used merely as cannon fodder in the opening battles in Italy.

The men who survive are sent to the front and into France itself. For many of the troops this is the first time that they have seen the country they have been drafted to protect. Each man continues to give his best, but despite striving for honourable goals, the African troops encounter nothing but racism from their European French colleagues. Constantly overlooked for promotion and outcast from their fellow Allied soldiers, the indigenous troops even receive worse food, drink and leave time as they continue to fight against Nazi Germany. One soldier is even depicted fighting in the snow covered countryside still wearing African-style sandals.

The performances from the African troops in this film are extremely believable and endearing. Their personal leader, Abdelkader is a budding intellectual who consistently battles the injustice faced at the hands of the French higher order. He guides three others through to the bitter end as the Indigenous troops take on a mission that claims to offer great personal glory.

If anything, you will finish this film with a very bitter taste in your mouth, as the final credits point out that African soldiers have continually been neglected the same war pensions as French soldiers by successive governments. I certainly learned something new whilst watching and felt a particularly strong attachment to all characters involved.

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